WHEN I landed in Perth, Australia back in 2000 with my wife and two young children from Harare, we were so happy to start a new life in a new country.
My wife and I were both graduates from the University of Zimbabwe but realized that for us to be successful we needed to go back to school and earn Australian qualifications. But, as parents with two young kids, it was not financially feasible for both of us to study at the same time.
As a focused and loving man I opted that my wife be the first one to attend university and study pharmacy while I worked multiple menial jobs to support the family. For those in the Diaspora, I did it all; wiping of bums included.
It was not easy; my days were long and stressful. To be honest, working menial jobs was not fun after being an executive in Zimbabwe for an insurance company for over 8 years. But I was determined to uplift my family and four years passed quickly. Remember with no maid, I had to do the dishes, scrub the floors, do the laundry, change diapers and cook for the family while my wife was studying.
After my wife graduated she became a member of the Pharmacy Board of Australia. We were all happy as a family; the future looked bright. My wife got her first job as a pharmacist in Australia and her starting salary was AU$31 an hour and, hypothetically speaking, it was her turn to support me as I went through my studies in radiology.
But this is when my marriage nightmare started. The first eight months when she started working as a pharmacist everything went well until I discovered a series of emails showing she had been romantically involved with a white Australian male physician for over two years and it was evident they had had sex on several occasions.
My heart bled; I could not believe that while I was working hard for the family to help her finish her studies she was busy sleeping with another man behind my back and the kids. When I confronted her she told me she no longer needed me because I was useless and she stated that there were better men with more cash out there. Amazingly she called the Australian police on me and falsely accused me of being emotionally abusive yet I NEVER laid my hand on her.
I was escorted out of the house and advised that I had to go through the courts to seek shared custody of the kids and never return home. What a painful experience it was. Fortunately, I had a supportive Christian couple that provided me with accommodation and food while I finished my education.
For years my life was a challenge; I was depressed, angry and felt betrayed but God saw me through. I worked hard and now I am a qualified radiologist in Australia. I have no desire to marry believe me. My wife’s family was not helpful. I guess one stands by their child even if she is the wrong; life is full of injustice.
After this experience, I have great advice for Zimbabwean man in Diaspora; DO NOT MARRY. Marriage is a waste of time and energy for men; there is no benefit.
Most Zimbabwean married men would agree with me that women are impossible to deal with in the Diaspora. If you are about to get married, think it over. Don’t let your private part do the thinking for you; you will wake up in a hell of a hangover staring with this woman who will control your life and disrespect you.
To be honest very few marriages last nowadays. I remember my grandfather saying never educate a woman because once she earns more money she will spit you out. I used to think he was coming from an oppressive generation but, after my situation I remembered his words. Just look around wherever you are – in the UK, USA, Canada, Australia – the Zimbabwean men who worked and sent their wives to school to become nurses, accountants, professors etc. are in hot soup. Most of them are being mistreated, and verbally abused; this is a serious crisis.
Advantages of not being married:
- Your wife won’t be able to manipulate you by withholding sex. Imagine after making vows for better or worse when things are not well you are denied sex. What a joke! I went through it; sometimes I would go for months without it. Now I am single and successful I date the cream, I get them tested and still use condoms.
- You can date anyone; no strings attached. The only reason men marry is for sex, yet women want financial security. Why not just date and have sex instead of those painful moments when you are denied sex for weeks if not months.
- Women hate your relatives. Women want you to embrace and love their families – brothers, mother, sisters, and yet she hates your family. Prove me wrong on this one; unless you are one lucky man out there married to a kind angel.
- You won’t have to suffer her physical assaults on you or be accused of being an abusive Husband the current feminist culture supports the right of women to physically assault men at any time for any reason. There may be good explanations for this from evolutionary psychology – women hit men when men show some emotional weakness as a way to get them to “man up” in the face of the woman’s need for a strong protector. Men are shamed and discouraged from reporting these assaults, often resulting in the arrest of battered men, rather than the women who attacked them. You do not have to forsake your parents just to please someone you never grew up with.
- Marriage HIV risk. I never thought my wife would cheat on me, but life has taught me a hard lesson. I have witnessed married women being unfaithful and yet it is always portrayed that men are the ones who cheat. Married people are at high risk of getting HIV because you base your trust on those meaningless vows. I am an advocate for condom use in marriage because when one partner cheats they never tell you.
Last but not least, my unfortunate experience is not a yardstick to judge all the Zimbabwean women but most of my married male friends in the Diaspora are suffering in silence; there is nowhere to run. My advice to them is leave as soon as possible before you commit the worst -either being violent or, worse, killing her .
I just scratched the surface but my marriage was slavery; never will I take any woman to the pulpit. It’s not worth it.
If you have any comments or need support send me an email to sekurulokhulu@gmail.com
H. N, Radiologist
Perth Australia
